Tonsils Out, Lessons Learned

My poor daughter has been through 3 surgeries in her young life. Not major ones, thank goodness, so I suppose I should be grateful. But no mother likes seeing her child gassed to sleep. Unless perhaps the child was obnoxious. And then there would be momentary relief before the panic set in.

I digress.

So far she has has 1 surgery to put in ear tubes, another to remove her adenoids and put in a second set of tubes and the final (fingers crossed) one to remove her tonsils. The first two were super easy. There was the anger and disorientation coming out from the anesthesia. But both times she sprang back into action and was in school the next day.

But the tonsils?

Oy vey.

Let me just say it is not fun guiding a 3.5YO through the tonsillectomy procedure and recovery. They tend to be an angry and irrational lot. And that's before you do something painful to them.

::: thank you, thank you -- here all week, tip your waitress! :::

So let me share what I have learned from our experience.

1. Allow you (as the parent) about 2-4 weeks for a freak out period.

Because the thought of your baby having organs cut out of her, leaving her in agonizing pain, plus being so little that they insist you stay at the hospital for a night because (as they say ominously) "things can change so quickly with little ones" -- well, you'll just be freaking out. A lot. Unless you are a better person than me and I refuse to believe such a person exists. It's my blog after all. You will research the bleeding out possibilities and while hyperventilating, you will slowly come to realize this is a very common surgery and most people do fine. Then, after you have gone to the brink of insanity and back again, you will be prepared for the next steps.

2. Prepare your toddler.

One of the best things someone advised me to do was to read her some books on it. There is one called "Good-bye, Tonsils" which was perfect. Now there were parts of the book that I didn't agree with -- it tended to gloss over the pain factor afterwards, the general crying and disorientation upon waking up from the surgery, and 4 days of recovery seems like an out and out miracle -- but on the whole, I thought it was good at prepping Peanut for stuff like the IV, what her tonsils were, etc. The book is lengthy for Peanut's tender years so I condensed some parts while reading it. I had two other books -- a Little Critter and a Franklin one -- about going to the hospital too and those helped as well. While I prepared her for the worst ("it's going to hurt a lot"), I also emphasized the good ("you can eat whatever you want! all the popsicles you want! watch tons of TV!"). The night before we had to go in, Peanut also got some new PJs to wear at the hospital (I got the kind that button up the front so it was easier to maneuver with her IV and a pillow pet. It all got her pretty excited about it.

3. Prepare yourself.

First, with information. Find out from your doctor whether your little one will be kept overnight and what the dietary plan will be afterwards. Some doctors don't encourage or want you to stuff your kid with ice cream and prefer more popsicles, whereas others don't care. But the last thing you want to do in step #2 is promise your kid all the ice cream he/she can eat only to discover that your doctor falls into the "no dairy" category. You'll also

Second, prepare yourself for the recovery. This will be a case of prepare for the worst and hope for the best. I have heard of recoveries lasting up to 18 days. I've heard the opposite too, like 3-4 days. Our doctor advised us to keep Peanut out of daycare for about a week. She ended up being out one more day than that. First, consider food and drink. Pick up popsicles (the might minis are a great choice because they are small -- give a great sense of accomplishment), jello and other cold things you think might tempt your child to drink. This is not a time to be a soda stickler! This is a time to avoid dehydration! If your kid will only drink sprite and only eat krispy kreme donuts, a few days will not kill him or her. Be the diet nazi later. A nurse recommended doing homemade popsicles and slushies from pedialyte which I thought was brilliant. Peanut would drink soda (because she rarely got it), iced chamomile tea and "coffee drink" (iced soymilk with a shot of vanilla syrup and a bit of decaf coffee). She eventually moved back to her staples but you do what you can. Think of what tempts your kid and prepare. And think of some other things that might be good on a sore throat -- jello jigglers, plain white bread (the soft kind, no crusts), cooled soup, etc.. The only thing to note that I wish I'd known is to avoid citrus or other acidic foods which can sting (no, she didn't experience that but I did end up with a bit of sorbet we didn't eat).

Second, think about activities and things to do. We stocked up on books and movies from the library, new crayons and a new coloring book and a special new book that she didn't get to read until we were at the hospital in her room (which she picked out herself at the book store). She already had a magna doodle and glow board. Think about stickers, puzzles, small craft things -- whatever can get your kid focused on something else.

4. Once home, stay ahead of the pain.

We got tylenol only. Some kids get narcotics (beware: sometimes these can make kids nauseous and throwing up post tonsillectomy = no bueno). Realize that for the first 2-3 days after the operation, they are still riding on the lidocaine and stuff injected into the site during the operation itself. That wears off and it was a whole new world of pain when that did. I found that even dosing her every 4 hours with the recommended amount wasn't enough. I called the nurse line and discovered that I could give her more in one dose (given her weight, 6.5ml versus only 5ml) but had to scale back to only 5 doses a day. Once I learned that, we were good. We woke her up during the night to dose her as well (very good idea, although she might disagree). It's really painful the first few nights (we stopped dosing her at night so frequently starting the 4th night after the surgery) so I always came up with an enticing beverage like coffee drink, juice or whatever that was ice cold. If you can get yours to take a popsicle then, more power to you. I was lucky to get mine to take a few sips before wanting to go back to bed and whimper in pain. Naturally the more popsicles or ice pops I could get her to eat, that helped numb the pain too. So did the ice pack we absconded with from the hospital.

5. Don't be above bribery.

There are times to retreat to a parental moral highground. This is not one of them. Someone I know would have little gifts wrapped for their little girl but she wouldn't get to have her daily gift until she'd eaten a popsicle and taken her medicine first thing in the morning (when her throat hurt the most). For Peanut, we discovered chocolate. She would eat popsicles only if there was the promise of a little piece of chocolate at the end. Same with medicine. Worked like a charm.

6. Do whatever works.

We ended up having Peanut sleep in our bed. Finally I kicked my husband out to the guest room with the baby monitor (someone should at least be able to get a decent night's sleep) and I took over Peanut care until she was well enough to return to her room (the night before returning to preschool). She wanted mommy. This was no time to engage in that battle again. I could always get her to take her medicine by alternately cajoling her sweetly and consolingly and bullying her with some no-nonsense 'tude. If your child prefers one parent to the other during the recovery, put your own parental esteem issues aside, because it's not about you. It's about what will make your child feel better and if it's your spouse, go enjoy a nice hot drink or surf the web like your partner can't.

Peanut was back in school in 8 days and I would say it took close to 2 weeks for her to finally be seeming like normal. The good thing is that she seems to be feeling a lot better and her eating is slowly improving from what it used to be.

The really good thing is I don't have to go through this with her again.

Location, location, location

Mr. P was quizzing Peanut on the usual things ("what's daddy's name? what's mommy's name?" and so on). He then threw in a new one for her.

"Where do you live?" I knew he was hoping to hear our state name or street name -- something like that.

She responded quickly and firmly.

"Hong Kong."

(Pssst -- that's not where we live. Not even in the same country. And we've never talked about Hong Kong. But I still have to admire her choice of exotic locale.)

A Male Milestone

My son, at the ripe age of 18 months, has found enormous humor in farts. I suppose it was inevitable but I was surprised to see him reach this point so soon. He farts, grins and shouts "I too'!" (I toot). If Mr. P farts (and mainly with him -- he doesn't seem to comment on the rest of us), he laughs and shouts "you too'!" in amazement.

He already flirts with women. He now just needs to learn to adjust himself in public and he's there.

Dear Santa -- Listen Up

Peanut and I were waiting to see the doctor yesterday and I decided to ping Peanut a bit on what she might want for Christmas. I was thinking a camera but she loved the Loving Family dollhouse at a friend's so I just started tossing out suggestions.

"What would you want more, a dollhouse or a camera?"

She thought for a moment. "A dollhouse."

"Okay. What would you prefer, a dollhouse or a big Disney princess doll?"

The answer was surprisingly quick for someone who loves princesses. "A dollhouse."

"Okay. What would you prefer--"

She cut me off, staring at me. "A dollhouse, mommy," she said seriously with her "WTF aren't you getting here?" look.

Oooooookay. A dollhouse. Got it.

Backseat Driving starts so young...

We were on our way to the zoo the other day and crossed over a freeway overpass. Peanut worriedly told Mr.P "Daddy! Be careful! Don't let the car fall down!"

He assured Peanut that he would not let the car fall.

She reminded him again about 20 feet later.

And a few more feet after that.

And then instructed him to watch out! -- the other cars were going to fall down and hit us. Then a building was going to fall down and hit us.

After an amazingly harrowing experience, we managed to make it to the zoo in one piece by some miracle of God.

Backseat driving starts so young. I am so proud.

The Peanut Dictionary

Peanut has many interesting ways of describing things. Her massacring of words is both common and downright adorable. Hence a desire to preserve them.

Stove = her stepstool. Or it can mean the actual stove. Depends on usage.

Eskimo/alligator = escalator.

The bed dogs night = the bed bugs bite

roast beef isle = produce aisle (from the Veggie Tales theme song)

Beauty and the Beast = Sleeping Beauty. The real Beauty and the Beast is referred to as 'Belle'.

It's crazy what her mind comes up with. We'll see what happens next.

Rules of the Road: The Teen Years

There was a couple that helped out with the youth group at the church my family attended while I was in high school. I babysat for them once. They were younger, fun and cool.

But the one thing I really remember about them was a very brief conversation we had once. My friend and I were in the midst of some teen angst and the husband looked at us, shook his head and confessed, "you couldn't pay me enough to be back in high school." His wife nodded in solemn agreement.

I loved them for that.

Finally, someone acknowledged that life was not all roses for teens or that it should be. Sure, we didn't have to work. Sure, our parents took care of us. (Disclaimer: I realize other teens had it worse than me by far but talking from my own experiences.) But it was still hard.

And that's what I want to tell you. Those teens years can be what you make of them. But they will not always be rosy and they will, at some times, suck. And yes, I agree that I could not be paid enough to go back to that time. And I wasn't even tortured in high school!

There are a lot of different factors that swirl about, constantly changing, which can make things difficult. Peer pressure. The social standings of a small pond (i.e. high school). Gossip. Friends/enemies (often the lines are blurred or camps are switched instantly). Dating. Drugs. Alcohol. Sex. The maturing process. The overall drama.

It all adds up to an interesting time. The important thing is to keep it all in perspective. This is critical. Crucial.

Look at your overall life -- your teen years are but a tiny fraction of what will otherwise hopefully be a long and full life. Some actions (like getting pregnant/impregnating a girl, drug use, tattoos) can have long-reaching impacts on that future life and consequently deserve heavy thought prior to action. Other actions (like being shunned by a popular person or walking around the quad with toilet paper stuck to your foot) will be forgotten relatively soon and only serve to cause you a chuckle at the torment you put yourself through about it.

Honestly, once you even get to college, things are different. Your standing in high school is irrelevant. You start over. And everyone fits in somewhere in college. As my mother wisely said, "there is nothing lower than a college freshman." So true. So yes, prom queen and high school star quarterback -- you get to start at the bottom. Good times all around.

It's tough when you are in high school. Because it is a VERY small pond. Things easily seem monumental when you are tootling around a puddle. And it is easy to be caught up in the drama that is high school, in part due to the small environment and in part due to the hormones at an all-time high (only rivaled during pregnancy). That small environment can make you do stupid things. Welcome to the mob mentality.

To quote Tommy Lee Jones in Men In Black, "A person is smart. People are dumb, panicky dangerous animals and you know it."

Yes, Tommy, I do know it. He's right. You individually might make a good decision. But the minute you hear others talking around you, start gauging their reactions to your reaction, it is far too easy to get swept up in the drama that is created and far too tempting sometimes to create the drama yourself. Suddenly one person's comment of "hi!" turns into "OMG, he is totally into you!" or "she is so going to get you -- watch your back!" It is tough but sometimes you need to say "I need to think about how I want to react to that" and do just that -- take some time, alone, step back and ask yourself if you are indeed reacting to what the person said or are being swept along in the rising tide of melodrama that high school society inures to itself.

It is incredibly difficult because high school is not just small but a strange environment thanks to the maturing process occurring during that time. Not just physically in terms of pubic hair and boobs -- although that posts its own host of issues. But emotionally, psychologically and physiologically. And when I say physiologically, I'm talking about your brain. Do you know that during the maturing process, in the teen years, your brain changes? Yep. In childhood, children are intuitive thinkers. They go with their gut. Hence they do things like gorge on candy not thinking about the impending stomach ache or dart out into the street to retrieve an errant ball without looking for cars. They just react. There is no thought necessarily before that. An adult (in theory) is a logical, rational thinker. Someone who looks eagerly at a double fudge devil's food cake but realizes that eating the whole thing would like make her very sick (not to mention the additional pounds). Someone who stops and looks for oncoming cars before retrieving a basketball that has gone off the court.

So in the teen years, the change begins slowly and there are moments of intuitive thinking and then moments of rational thinking. And that will slowly edge over to rational. But people mature at different paces and in different ways so you are surrounded by people who are all maturing at different rates than you might be. That creates a constantly changing dynamic that you have to deal with. Hence you might find yourself "outgrowing" certain friends and might find certain friends have "outgrown" you. Don't worry -- it all evens out eventually.

The key again is to realize that it all passes. And that we are there to support you and help you no matter what.